I was recently asked for advice about having a kid. Now, whether this was an earnest ask for advice, or just their way of telling me they were going to have a kid, I’m not sure. Either way, I pulled this letter I wrote to a sweet new momma about 3 years ago when I was a little closer to the new mom feelings.
My letter to a new or expecting momma
Hello momma,
You always have questions, there are always things that it would have been nice to know before you needed to know. As you come into this new chapter in life, you will have many new experiences. I have had 4 babies and each pregnancy, delivery, recovery and baby is a little or a lot different. I have pulled together some things I hope you will find encouraging, informational, and glad you know.
This is going to be an amazing year full of roller coaster emotions. You will probably hit some all-time highs, like that first time your baby is laid on your chest. I laughed hysterically with my first, with the others I don’t really remember. I never cried like so many moms say they do. It kinda made me feel bad. You know what though? It doesn’t matter. We all have different love and emotions and God has given us this child because we need them, and they need us. You may also experience some lows. Share with someone. Call a close friend. Talk to your husband. Shoot me an email if you need someone to talk to with no judgement. I have had major lows, particularly after one of my children’s birth. The only thing that got me through was talking about it and being brutally blunt with my husband.
You may not feel like a mom immediately, it’s a new transition. I remember feeling like it was this weird extended babysitting job. Maybe you will feel like a mom immediately and will feel so bonded with this little child that you have been carrying for 9 months. Either way, it’s okay.
I’m just going to bullet point some things I wish I’d known or was so glad I knew before giving birth.
You will leave the hospital looking 5-6 months pregnant.
Make sure to bring some comfy stretchy pants and plan to live in them for a while.
Wear a diaper
There is blood, lots of gross blood with clots exiting your body. Best advice I was given, wear a diaper, that’s right, throw out the vanity and just be comfortable without having to worry about leakage. If you have a vaginal birth you may not feel what’s going on down there until it’s too late.
You may walk funny, it's ok keep moving.
Depending on how things go, you may walk funny for a day or two or you may walk funny for a week or two, here’s hoping for the day or two. (I never experienced a c-section so I can’t speak to that recovery.)
So many fluids
The pee pads for puppy training also make great protection for your sheets for the first night or two, did I mention there are lots of fluids leaving your body? I know it’s gross, but it’s good info, I promise.
Towels
Did I mention fluids?
Speak up!
Do you need a few moments to yourself? Ask for it. Is no one around? Put the baby down and leave the room. Give yourself the grace to walk away for a few moments, and calm down so you can go back and be mom. (This comes in handy for the rest of momhood too 😉)
It's a challenge
Communicate
This is a new journey for you and dad, communicate! He won’t know what you need, he can’t read your mind. Tell him. The biggest cause of disappointment in marriage is unmet expectations. Half the time those unmet expectations are unknown expectations.
Clean yourself
Dad, it’s a lot easier to love a clean woman. And it’s a lot easier to love as a clean woman. Help your wife out, take the baby for long enough for her to shower. By herself. It’s amazing what a shower and 10 minutes alone can do for a person. Brush your teeth.
Dad's world is changing too
I know dads sometimes struggle because they are suddenly not first on their wives lists. (This may depend on how long you have been married 🙂 ) Dad will also have new needs, check in with him. Dad, communicate your needs as they arise. Work together to find your new balance. (Maybe don’t take my husband’s advice and make sure she knows your back hurts a little during labor, but you’re okay. In other words, be mindful of all everyone is going through and know that not every need can be met.)
Amazing - exhausting - challenging - rewarding
I hope this hasn’t scared the tar out of you and you aren’t like what have I done to myself. I promise you, all this gross stuff is only a fraction of what you experience. Because when you hold that sweet baby in your arms and smell its sweet head, you know it is all so worth it.
Sleep when your baby sleeps. Seriously, go sleep. Sleep deprived momma’s make for harder days, harder relationships, harder emotions. You will receive so much conflicting advice about the best way to care for your child, my best advice, take it in, and then LISTEN to your GUT. Pray about it. God has given you this child and he didn’t desert either of you upon delivery. He will guide you, trust Him and the instincts He’s given you. Then discard the advice that doesn’t work for you and move on 😊
Whether you sleep with your child, put them in a crib, let them cry it out, comfort them immediately, breast feed, bottle feed, vaccinate, don’t vaccinate make sure it is all done in love. You are the only momma that baby gets, take care of you so you can take care of baby. Research, learn, and then pray, and pray some more, and pray some more.
When people give you advice about parenting, remember it comes from a loving place. They want to help. But as any person with exposure to more than one child can tell you, no child is the same. No parent is the same. Your parenting is not going to look like mine. It won’t look like your best friends. It won’t even look like your mom’s (ok maybe a little because she was your first teacher, but hey you turned out alright 😉).
There are milestones your child will reach this year. This year is so full of growth and change and milestones to reach. As I just said, every child is different, your baby may reach those milestones early, or maybe a little slower, don’t panic. It’s ok if it’s slower. It’s ok if it’s faster, but don’t go bragging to other mom’s and send them into a panic, ok? 😊 Remember to listen to that gut. If you really feel like there is an issue, bring it up to the doctor, advocate for your baby. But sometimes us moms are just worriers and there is NOTHING wrong, so be able to accept that too, and keep watching as this little bundle amazes you with their daily changes.
Welcome to the momma club!
Love,
Melinda
What’s your advice?
What is the best advice you received as a new momma? What advice do you wish you had before that baby came into the world? Please share in the comments below.
I am one blessed momma!
Having a community of mommas surrounding me, offering advice or just a listening ear makes me blessed! Thank you for being a part of this community!
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Meet Melinda!
Melinda is a Christian, a wife, and a mom of 6. She has a blended family and has spent much time trying to learn how to "mom". She's still not perfect, but it makes her that much more grateful for God's grace and mercy in her life.