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Trusting God in Life’s Storms

by | Jun 28, 2021

Have you ever experienced a deep agony, tragedy, or all around trying time in life that had you questioning whether God was trustworthy, kind, merciful, or loving?

Or, if you didn’t question any of those characteristics of God, did you struggle within your soul to find peace, hope, and rest?

I have….

Let me go back in time, before what I would consider the most difficult tragedy I have experienced so far in my 41 years.

Go back to 2001-2002. These were a couple of my college years, in which I began to feel angst, frustration, and anger toward God due to watching my beloved grandmother fight through her second bout of aggressive cancer. This time it had moved to her brain and took her down a slow, 4 year cycle toward her last breath that included loss of control of her muscular system, her ability to talk, her process of aging (she was 65 when she lost her battle, but looked as though she were 90), and her memory. The dementia was severe.

My heart hurt deeply. I admired my grandmother. She loved Jesus. She showed His love to anyone who crossed her path. She loved and served in spite of the personal heartaches she carried. She was my hero.

Although I can look back at her life and the godly fruits she displayed now, in 2001 I became angry at God and chose to rebel against all His good plans for our lives in hopes of somehow punishing Him. What a naive, selfish, and immature girl I was! During this period of my life, I deliberately disobeyed my Father in heaven and His good plan. I married someone He distinctively told me He did not want me to marry. In short, all of this led to me getting a divorce with two young boys in tow.

Thankfully, God is merciful and kind. He revealed my foolishness to me and opened my eyes to His sovereignty. I prayed wholeheartedly for forgiveness in my pride and told Him I would never again stray from His hold on my life. I trusted Him and understood, at that point and through His generous granting of wisdom, His plan is for me to grow and develop in all of life’s storms. His plan is for all of us to grow in Him and for His fruit to burst forth……… and seemingly, this happens most obviously through trials.

Fast forward to 2012. This year brought forth the deepest heartache I have yet to experience. By God’s grace, I met my current husband in 2010 and we were married in 2011. This time, despite my past failures, my marriage was blessed by all those around me, but most importantly by the Holy Spirit. I had so much peace about our union and knew God was going to use our marriage for my good. Little did I know how much refining would take place in me through our union and most notably through the great loss we would experience in 2012.

First, Joy

In early April 2012 we found out we were expecting our first child together. We were elated to add to our already blended family. We trusted God had blessed us with this child for His purposes. I won’t lie, like my previous two pregnancies, the first trimester and a bit into the second was pure agony with morning sickness all day, every day. When that had finally passed, we just enjoyed discovering we were blessed with a son and beginning to feel his wild movements in my growing belly. Our four older children (we each brought two beautiful people to our marriage) were excited to have another brother. From this point, the pregnancy moved forth perfectly and without any cause for alarm.

Next, tragedy, loss, and deep grief

At 37 weeks pregnant, the same gestation I gave birth to my firstborn, I awoke with a mild fever and stayed home from work. I had constant Braxton Hicks contractions throughout the day and chalked it up to the early stages of labor. That night, as my husband and I were laying in bed, I realized I hadn’t felt our Simon for some time. My husband tried to calm my nerves by saying it was probably the contractions. We decided to sleep and trust all would be well in the morning. When I woke the next morning, I still wasn’t feeling Simon move at all.

My husband had left for work with the clear message to call when I knew anything. I tried to get some sugary food into my system in hopes it would jolt my son awake. Nothing worked. I called my doctor’s nurse and she told me to go to the hospital immediately, that they would be awaiting the arrival of me and my husband. I called him to tell him what was going on and that he needed to meet me there.

On my drive in, I first called my mom and my mother-in-law to tell them what was going on to ask them to pray all was well with Simon. Then, I fought all the tears welling up within me from fear to get myself to the hospital. I begged God to make Simon come into this world alive on that drive. I told Him that I trusted Him to matter the outcome, but that I just didn’t know if I could handle tragic news. He heard me……. that’s what I know.

However, my prayer that Simon would leave my womb alive and screaming wasn’t answered with a yes. We arrived at the hospital to discover that our sweet son was no longer living. I was given the choice to be induced (I had been planning a Vbac delivery following my previous two c-sections) or to have another cesarean. We made the decision to move forward with a c-section as the induction would require a 48 hour time period and I just couldn’t handle the weight of the heartache in that amount of time.

The hospital staff prepared me for surgery and my room was already full of family, friends, and our pastor all praying for us. We went back to the operating room already wrought with grief and going through the motions. Our son was delivered in the most quiet of rooms. The doctors and staff were all heavy-hearted and empathizing with us. Simon was born into this world with a soul already in the arms of Jesus. He was beautiful and perfectly formed, but had suffered an obvious umbilical cord accident in the womb. We spent the next days, weeks and months in heavy grief.

The first week following Simon’s loss shook us to our core. My husband was kind to remind me that this wasn’t some sort of punishment from God. I believe God used him to bring this first reminder to me. I went through raw, gut wrenching sadness, anger, and questioning heavily that first week. The Holy Spirit kept bringing the words, “In this world you will have trouble…” to my mind. However, the rest of the scripture was vacant from my mind and I chose to dwell on that portion for a time, knowing it was what He had for me in the moment.

At one point, I cried out to God that I hated Him, then immediately told Him I knew He knew I didn’t mean that in my heart or my mind. Rather, I was feeling the need to express every emotion and thought I had to Him…. to get off my mind and chest all the heavy burdens waging war within me. It was in this that I began to understand what Jesus meant when He said,

“Come to me all who are weary and heavy leaden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Throughout the coming weeks, Jesus spoke to my heart through two other scriptures. The first was the full scripture following what He spoke to me in that first week.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

The second scripture He laid upon my mind was

John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

What sweet reminders and truths from the God who created all of us, loves us, and wants us to know Him. When my heart began to doubt or question the fairness in losing my son, my sweet Heavenly Father was there to remind me of who He is and His deep love for me and Simon.

But, how? How do you trust Him after losing what is most precious?

Remember what I stated about giving Him every raw emotion and thought in that first week. Like the example of David in the Psalms, God wants ALL of us, not just us coming to Him when we think we have it all together. This is a step in trusting the One who created and planned for you. Talk to Him. Pour out your soul. Ask Him to reveal truth to you. Be willing to be quiet before Him so you can recognize His voice. Be willing to wait and remember that our Sovereign God’s timing is not our timing.

When you’re faced with tragic or difficult situations in this life, remember God’s teaching in

Matthew 7:7-8. “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.”

These words aren’t just for those who are seeking salvation. They are reminders to all of us that He will give us wisdom, peace, comfort, etc. when we seek Him and ask Him. All we need is to lay down our pride, even in the most challenging and heartbreaking moments of our lives, and humble ourselves before our God, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, who loves us more than anything else in His creation.

I can speak from firsthand experience that He will follow through on the promises He makes in His Word. Seek Him, ask for help, and He will provide what you need through His Word and through the gracious people He has placed in your life.
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for revealing Your truth to us and comforting us in our darkest hours. Thank you for your Word, which brings forth life and peace. Help us to be humble and come to You when we’re heavy laden with tragedy, difficulty, or grief. Give us your strength and wisdom.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

This song is a beautiful reminder and from a recently released album written by a compilation of artists and authors titled, Faithful. A culmination of the Faithful Project.

Faithful “The Detour”
I am here for any questions, comments, or conversations!

Meet Melissa!

Melissa is a follower of Christ and a friend to all. She is known for her ready smile and friendly conversation. Melissa teaches first grade and loves all of her students.

Melissa shares a blended family of 7 children with her husband, Amos, and resides in SW Colorado.