The Beginning

I carefully swaddled my precious little baby for what felt like the thousandth time that night. Tears welled up in my eyes as I wondered if she would ever fall back to sleep, if she would ever stay asleep, and if I would ever figure out how to nurse her. Too many unknowns for me! I placed her back in her bassinet near my bed and held my breath as I listened to her breathe. What if she stopped breathing? What if something happened? What if I wasn’t doing it right? Sleep seemed to never come because I was awash in worry and fear.

My mind raced, filled with all the things that I had read about how to be a mom. It seemed every book said something different. Have a schedule. Don’t have a schedule. Breast feed only. Supplement with a bottle so you can sleep. I was a brand new mom with no baby experience whatsoever. Everything was new and I was desperate for direction. My mom had gone home and it was up to me and my husband to figure it out. Then, he went back to work and I felt really alone. That’s why I tried to read every book I could find and what felt like ALL the articles on the internet. Much to my dismay they all told me something different and I had no direction.

I soothed my mind with the phrase; “It won’t be this way forever.” I knew that my little baby would quickly grow up. I knew that feeding her throughout the night wouldn’t last forever. I knew that the hours of crying would some day stop. (It turns out those unstoppable tears return right around 12 years old but more on that later.)

It won’t be this way forever.

Still, nothing seemed sure and everything seemed hard. I felt wobbly on the foundation of self reliance that I had built. I had talked myself into the idea that I could figure it all out on my own and that I was in control. Then, when I was left alone with my new baby…my fussy baby…my never sleeping baby….it all felt out of control. I couldn’t stand that feeling.

Breathe. It won’t be this way forever.

During one of those restless nights, I realized nothing was truly in my control. I looked at my at-last sleeping baby, so small…so beautiful…all mine, and realized that I wasn’t in control and she actually wasn’t mine. She was given to me by God. He knit her together in my womb. He kept her breathing at night in her crib, not me. Right then I gave my worry and fear to Him. I gave my control to Him. He took my worry and fear in that instant. Suddenly my phrase, “It won’t be this way forever”, took on a whole new meaning. She wouldn’t be this small forever. She wouldn’t need me like this forever. I wouldn’t always feel this close to her. I was able to treasure the hard and the beautiful moments of being a mother in a whole new way by standing on the firm foundation that the God of the universe is in control and not me.

It won’t be this way forever.

Time Goes On

That was twelve years ago and now everything is still constantly changing. Nothing stays the same. We added one more child to our family, both my husband’s parents went to be with the Lord, we moved to a new home, and we changed jobs several times. Now, my little girl is becoming a young woman full of hormones. Can you say emotional roller coaster? Hours of tears! Again?!? And I hate to admit it, but she is just like her mom. Ha! We are on another new adventure and I am sure all the books and articles say different things.

Oh Lord, it won’t be this way forever.

Praise God that He has grown me since then! That one night holding my crying newborn, giving Him control has made all the difference. It has taken years….twelve to be exact…but I can see how He has changed me. I am so thankful for it. I have learned how to rely on Him for peace and patience. I am not perfect by any means! Oh man, I still struggle. But, I have faith that God will continue to grow me to be more like Him so I give myself grace. After all, He gives the ultimate grace. So in this next chapter of being a mom, I will try to give God more control because I have learned that I can’t control it all anyways. I will run to Him in prayer when I don’t know what to do. I will thank him for the wonderful young women my daughter is becoming and the many blessings he surrounds me with.

It won’t be this way forever.

The Perfect and the Permanent

I recently read the book “She Reads Truth” by Raechel Myers and Amanda Bible Williams. Bible really is her maiden name! In their book they talk about how God is the “Perfect and the Permanent”. That phrase really stuck with me and I wasn’t sure why until Mollie asked me to write this blog post. I have spent so much time trying to make my life perfect and unchanging. I wanted to be the perfect wife and the perfect mom. I wanted a schedule that was perfect and never needing to change. I wanted every dinner to taste delicious and every weekend to be filled with fun. I was trying to do it all, reading anything I could get my hands on to make it happen. But it is hopeless in our sinful fallen world. Nothing is perfect and nothing is permanent. Except God. We can hold on to him instead of trying to make ourselves perfect and permanent. He already is. Isaiah 40:28 says, “Do you not know? Have you not heard? Yahweh is the everlasting God, the Creator of the whole earth. He never grows faint or weary; there is no limit to His understanding.”

He will be the same forever.

I still struggle with worry and fear. My husband travels for work and when he is out of town I really struggle. Sometimes I lay awake in bed at night and before I know it my mind has taken me to a place where I am a widow living in my car with two kids. But then I remind myself, God is in control so I give all that worry to Him and repeat His word in my head over and over until I fall asleep. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29: 11-13) My life could completely change and tragedy could strike but I will choose to trust that the God of the universe has a better plan than I do.

He will be the same forever.

He is in Control

When I find myself overly focused on the dust on my baseboards I know I am feeling like I need to control things in my life. It’s usually because there is something happening around me or to me that is outside of my control. Right after my mother-in-law passed away I found myself scrubbing the walls. Really? The walls! The truth is I can try to be queen of the dust bunnies under my bed but I won’t get relief until I give it all to the King of the Universe. He is in control.

He will be the same forever.

The Perfect and Permanent God loves you and He wants you to be free from fear and worry too. He wants you to be free from the sins of our world. So, He sent His son to live life here on Earth. He went through the things you do and He dealt with the fallen world just like you. Except He did it all perfectly. Then, He gave His perfect life, willingly, as a sacrifice to pay for your sins so that you can be made new. When you accept the free gift of salvation that Jesus gives, you are changed. He has made you a new creation and will work in your life to make you more like Him…if you let Him. So, let Him. Give all your fears and worries to Him. Lay them down at His feet and allow Him to be in control. Talk to Him about everything, read His word and hear from Him, accept the grace that He has for you when you are trying to be queen of the dust bunnies. Jesus says in John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Remember, you have peace because He is the Perfect and the Permanent and He loves you!

He will be the same forever.

Comfort in Christ

Some of my other favorite verses that help me with fear and worry.

Romans 8:38-39
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 Peter 5:6-7
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

2 Timothy 1:7
7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

Romans 8:15 (Just read all of Romans 8!)
15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Matthew 6:25-34
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Meet Deborah!

Deb Ireland is a follower of Christ, a wife, and a mother to two beautiful kids. Originally from the Denver area, she moved to Durango to attend college and has stayed in the area ever since. She has taught elementary school for 17 years.

She enjoys traveling the country with her family, laughing with her kids, having movie nights at home, hanging out with her three dogs, reading, and sewing. Deb is an encouragement to those around her with her Christ-like attitude and uplifting thoughtfulness.