Hello, my name is Melannie, and I am a recovering perfectionist – actually I fall off the wagon a lot but – I am making progress.

Looking back on when I first got married at 18 and then a year later became a mom for the first time, I now see I was striving to be that perfect wife and mother found in Proverbs 31. I totally sabotaged myself. I was a perfectionist that was worried I could do nothing perfectly. I was also the biggest procrastinator—I figured if I didn’t do it then I couldn’t mess it up.

We are called to be perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect (Matthew 5:48) but are also told in Ephesians 5:1 to be imitators of God – I think He knows we will not obtain perfection. He forgives and forgets our sins and mistakes when we bring them to Him – 1 John 1:9 says if we confess He forgives. We need to follow Paul’s example in Philippians 3:12-13 – he tells us to forget what is behind and strain forward to what lies ahead.

If I could give my younger self advice…

• • • • Grace
      • Get grounded
      • Choose your battles
      • Build a support system
      • Don’t hide
      • Rest

Grace

I can’t go back in time and give myself advice but I would like to give you first-time moms advice—remember to give yourself grace AND accept God’s grace for you. If you can get yourself into this habit it will make things easier as your babies grow and as you have more of them.

Get Grounded

Another thing that I have learned too late to help me raising my kids is that when I make sure I make time to get grounded in God’s word daily it helps me to put anything that happens that day in better perspective and not let the little things stress me out.  Matthew 6:33 tells us to seek first God and all these things will be given to you. Then in verse 34, He tells us to not be anxious about tomorrow. If we will be in His word and seek Godly wisdom He will give it to us (James 1:5).  He will give you wisdom to handle anything you give to Him in prayer.  Only through this renewal in Christ can we walk in wisdom.

Choose Your Battles

I look back at some of the truly silly things that I butted heads with my kids about as they got older and had their own opinions and own will for things and see that those did not matter!—why did I fight them about it?—If it is going to harm them or if it violates your beliefs, standards or morals then, by all means, go to battle—but don’t let the daily things that are not going to matter tomorrow or next week or next month cause you to have great stress or anger or to damage them emotionally. Let them make mistakes and decisions and then learn from the consequences and outcomes. It will make them stronger and more confident.

Build a Support System

To get through the tough times, have a support system through relationships with other women of ALL ages. This is what helped me so much from my first newborn to even now with four grown, married kids and sixteen grandkids. Thanks to older women that were true Titus 2:3-5 women in my life—ranging from my own mom to women in my church families, I knew I had them to go to when I was ready to throw my hands up-quit and run away!

Don’t Hide

Don’t hide your true self—with ALL your flaws—share your struggles—Galatians 6:2 tells us to “bear one another’s burdens”, do this authentically. Having women my age and in pretty much the same stage of momma-hood as me has always helped me and also them. It is so good to know that I am not the only one struggling or having problems—we are in good company. By sharing with each other we can be sounding boards for each other and maybe hear of new/different ways to look at things and discover new and/or better ways to handle them.

Rest

To sum it all up I’d like to close with a quote I found from Max Lucado in his book Let the Journey Begin 

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek His grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.

May we all, wherever we are on this journey of momma-hood, rest in His grace and peace.