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Look Up, Not Around

Look Up, Not Around

by | Nov 27, 2022 | Guest, One Blessed Momma

Look up…

Are you one of those people who can’t help but smile whenever Facebook or Google sends you a memory from your past? I do. It’s usually a post with pictures, but occasionally it’s a detailed experience from my life. This week, a memory popped up of a scenario that I had with my two daughters in 2014. The memory from my past reminded me to-look up, not around.

Memory Lane

It popped up on my phone as I was listening to my 12 year old have an emotional meltdown. This was a pre-teen meltdown in which I have been warned about from other parents. My 12 year old was feeling EVERY. SINGLE. emotion possible. I couldn’t even distinguish the correct way to respond to her. It was (according to her) “the worst day of her life!”  I just kept looking at the time on my phone thinking- oh my goodness, is this roller coaster of feelings ever going to end? Should I be contemplating boarding school? Have I failed her as a mother? Fortunately, out of the blue, a memory popped up. 

Why Me?

The memory took place in November, eight years ago. My girls and I were driving home from the E.N.T (Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist). I was feeling sorry for myself and angry with God. My husband and I already went through a long and difficult journey to even be able to become parents- but now our girls who were then 4yrs old and 2yrs old were keeping me up all night with horrible ear infections- BOTH of them. I was looking around thinking ‘why me’, ‘why my girls’? I was feeling EVERY. SINGLE. emotion. Right then, my 4yr old who was looking up outside the car window, interrupted my thoughts and asked me- “Mom, are we still on erff (Earth)?”…….”Are we ever going to leave erff?”

The Lord’s Provision

 This was the moment my 4 year old daughter reminded me to stop looking around, but to look up. I prayed that night and I felt at peace. I knew my girls were in God’s hands and I wasn’t alone. Within the next few weeks, the Holy Father blessed our family with doctors who could end our daughter’s pain, relieve my stress, and take away my sleepless nights.

 

It Will Be Ok

 

After reading this memory. I looked over at my 12yr old daughter who was still consumed by her emotions. I sighed and thought about her being 4 yrs old and saying ‘errf’ instead of Earth. I reflected how it felt when I was drowning with fear, stress, sadness, self doubt, and anger. I then placed my phone on top of her dresser and sat down beside her while tears continued to stream down her face. I then disrupted her thoughts of ‘why me?’ and I said, “you need to look up- not around you’’. 

 Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not to your own understanding.

Meet Melissa!

Hi! I was born and raised in Southwest Colorado. I married my high school sweetheart in 2007. My husband and I are blessed with two amazing daughters who are now 10 and 12.
We love to go camping, 4-wheeling, and boating together. I have always loved being around animals and children. They seem to always bring out the best in me-so it was no surprise that my path led me into teaching.
I am currently a 2nd grade teacher at Hope Community Christian Academy. I love working with the staff and families to provide a loving, Godly, and positive learning experience for kiddos. I especially love that I get to see my girls in the hallway and take part in their education.
Recently, I keep referring back to the verse Mathew 6:25-27

“….Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

Maybe it’s my age, the stress of the holidays, being a mom, or having the responsibilities as a teacher-but the pressure to have it “all together” can be overwhelming. Thank goodness our Heavenly Father provides us the insight to his everlasting and abundant love for each of us.

Blessings in the Unexpected

Blessings in the Unexpected

by | Sep 26, 2022 | Guest, One Blessed Momma

From the very beginning, motherhood has not been what I expected it to be. I wanted to have kids and be a mom and I thought I had this idea of what it would be like. Reality is nothing like that, but God has been good!

A quick overview of my motherhood journey

I unexpectedly got pregnant in the middle of the pandemic. A first time young mom, going to appointments all alone without my husband…but God provided a fabulous doctor that took great care of me and really listened to everything along the way.

My son’s birth didn’t go as I planned. Nothing happened the way I wanted it to…but God provided a safe and fast delivery, a healthy baby, and wonderful nurses to make that happen. I couldn’t breastfeed, even though I wanted to…but God provided me with friends and a mom who understood and supported my decision to stop. And then He continued His blessing with making the transition to formula easy for my baby, who began to grow and thrive right away.

I have PPD/A and need medication…but God provided a doctor who helped me figure out what to do and sat with me as I cried in her office. He provided modern medicine to help me handle daily life.

I didn’t realize what being a stay at home mom would truly be like…but God provided a supportive group of mom friends at church, a job that allows my husband to come home early on the really hard days, and a happy little boy who makes it all worth it.

I say all that to say…

Motherhood probably won’t go how we plan it, but we usually end up blessed by it.

Being a mom is such a beautiful thing. It grows you and challenges you every day. And now that my son is a toddler, I feel like I’m being challenged in new ways. I believe that’s how motherhood was intended to be – I think as moms, we will never stop learning and growing and being challenged, but that all makes up the mom that we are. It all makes us who we are as a person.

Without my motherhood journey, I wouldn’t be the mom, or Rheanna, that I am now. I learned to surrender my plans and go with the ones that were even better (even if it’s not what I wanted – which was so hard!). By letting go of what I thought I wanted and taking the chance on what was in front of me, I was given everything I needed.

I still have a hard time of not worrying and I try to control things a lot. When I do that, I end up stressed and burnt out. My son is really stretching me in that area…God knew I needed him. He’s such a spunky, independent little guy. I have learned that he will march to the beat of his own drum, no matter what I plan.

Every day is something new with him. I am continually learning and seeing things in a new way through his eyes. I love that! It’s also another way I learn to let go of my own plans and find blessing in the unexpected.

I have tried planning activities or outings for him, and most of the time they go well. But then there are the few where he doesn’t react how I think and the plan I had goes away. I try to not hold on so hard to my own “picture perfect plan” and focus on my son’s joy in whatever he’s doing and however he’s doing it.

These days are precious, and if I try to make my plans happen, I lose out on valuable time. Not every day, every activity, every trip, will go as I expect it…but there is so much joy to be found in the way that it does go.

It’s a perfect day to them.

I’m by far no expert in this. I still want control and predictability, but I’m learning that motherhood cannot be described in that way. And that’s ok. Our babies don’t care about perfect plans, they just want to spend time with their perfect person – mom.

At the end of the day, no matter how it might have gone, I get sweet little bedtime cuddles and know that my son had the best day.

Rheanna

Rheanna is a homemaker with a speech therapist background.   She has the cute little boy in the photos above and shares all of her ideas on how she continues his growth and development on her website: alittleandalatte.com & her Instagram: @alittle.and.alatte.

Check out Rheanna's website
Follow Rheanna on Instagram

Thanks, Rheanna for stopping by and sharing your insights with us!

Love,
One Blessed Mommas

Preparing to be the Mom of Two, 2 and Under

Preparing to be the Mom of Two, 2 and Under

by | Sep 12, 2022 | Guest, One Blessed Momma

Happy fall to all of you wonderful Mommas!

I’m so honored to be able to come back again and write a little about how I’m preparing and feeling about adding another baby to our little family!

As you read this I am about 5 weeks away from my October due date with our baby GIRL! Whoo hoo! I am so excited to dress this sweet little girl up in all of the cozy fall and winter clothes and spend so much time snuggling with her and my 2 year old through the colder months! I know, I know, it won’t all be fun times, snuggles, and hot chocolate. That is what everyone is very quick to remind me; it’s going to be so hard, you won’t get any sleep, etc
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect this to be a cake walk. I’ve had a newborn in the middle of a pandemic, with a $0 balance in my account, and the list goes on. I know it’s not easy, and 2 babies are going to be a challenge that I haven’t faced yet. But, I am so excited to have this little girl and get to have a little redemption from the last time I had a newborn and really had to miss out on so many of the things I was looking forward to; due to the crazy world climate around us at that time.

Not what I expected..

In February 2020 I had a beautiful home birth with my son, it couldn’t have gone much more perfectly, and I felt like everything else would end up falling into line that same way with my postpartum. My pregnancy had been full of depression and anxiety (that I didn’t realize at the time was a prenatal mood disorder, I just thought I was being an awful Mom to be struggling with these feelings when I was expecting my first baby). Things didn’t just fall into place, as you know from my last post, I had a huge breast milk supply issue. My son kept losing weight in the first couple of weeks and having to feed him primarily formula made me feel like a failure. All of that anxiety and depression came flooding right back, then the pandemic hit and made my postpartum period anything but what I had dreamed it would be.

This time God has blessed me with a pregnancy that has been full of joy and clarity of mind. I am looking forward to getting to do this all over again with a much healthier state of mind!

As I’ve been thinking about giving birth to this new little addition to our family, “Baby Peach” as we like to call her, I have had such a mix of feelings. I am so excited to have another baby, to get the chance at postpartum redemption, to have a baby girl, see my son be a big brother, see my Husband as a girl Dad for the first time (that one makes me a little emotional!) and the list goes on! I have also been feeling a small sense of loss thinking that this one little boy that I’m snuggling and carrying around will not be my only little one in just a short time. In about 5 weeks I’ll have 2 babies, which is amazing.  It’s what we wanted and I am still counting down the weeks until we meet our little Peach. Simultaneously, I hope these next few weeks slow down a bit. Just a little

Being 35 weeks pregnant my body is starting to ache and get quite uncomfortable, but I know that once she is here our family will be 100% different forever. I am so happy to become a Mommy to 2 little ones. I am happy to wait for her! She is such a blessing to our family but I still feel a little sad about sharing my lap with 2 babies. Did any of you ever feel this way? Were you excited, grateful, and happy to have another baby but at the same time a little sad to see your family change so much?

Enjoying every moment

I have determined to savor these last few weeks of being a family of 3, to give my husband and son as much time and attention as I can give them, and to make as many amazing memories having as many fun experiences as possible! About a month ago we took a trip to the Texas coast; Corpus Christi and South Padre Island. This was Benaiah’s (my son) first time to see the ocean, an aquarium, ocean animals, or the beach! He had more fun than I could have imagined! I had so much fun just watching him discover all of these new things like seeing sharks and big fish at the aquarium, running through the waves of the ocean, building a sandcastle and all of new scenery we drove through on our 2,500 mile road trip! He hardly quit smiling the whole week! This is my new favorite part of being a parent, just watching him get so excited about all the new things in this world that he has never seen before!
I am so looking forward to making those same types of memories with Peach too and watching her big brother show her the ropes will be such a fun thing to witness. I have many dreams about how these next few weeks, months and years will go with our 2 little ones! For tonight, I will rock my not so little guy to sleep and hold him just a little bit tighter. I am excited for the future, but savoring the present.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path known.”
Psalms 119:105 “Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.”

Meet Mikayla!

I am Mikayla. Mommy to my adorable 2 year old baby boy and soon to be born daughter, wife to my incredible firefighter hubby, birth worker and aspiring doula. I love my saviour and my family and am very passionate about helping women to feel empowered during their pregnancy, birth and postpartum. My goal is to be an encouragement to the mommas in my life through sharing my experiences and offering a loving and supportive place for them to share their stories and be heard. God bless you in this season of life and may His perfect peace rule your hearts.

Colossians 3:14-15 “And above all these things put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”

It Won’t Be This Way Forever

It Won’t Be This Way Forever

by | Aug 21, 2022 | Guest, One Blessed Momma

The Beginning

I carefully swaddled my precious little baby for what felt like the thousandth time that night. Tears welled up in my eyes as I wondered if she would ever fall back to sleep, if she would ever stay asleep, and if I would ever figure out how to nurse her. Too many unknowns for me! I placed her back in her bassinet near my bed and held my breath as I listened to her breathe. What if she stopped breathing? What if something happened? What if I wasn’t doing it right? Sleep seemed to never come because I was awash in worry and fear.

My mind raced, filled with all the things that I had read about how to be a mom. It seemed every book said something different. Have a schedule. Don’t have a schedule. Breast feed only. Supplement with a bottle so you can sleep. I was a brand new mom with no baby experience whatsoever. Everything was new and I was desperate for direction. My mom had gone home and it was up to me and my husband to figure it out. Then, he went back to work and I felt really alone. That’s why I tried to read every book I could find and what felt like ALL the articles on the internet. Much to my dismay they all told me something different and I had no direction.

I soothed my mind with the phrase; “It won’t be this way forever.” I knew that my little baby would quickly grow up. I knew that feeding her throughout the night wouldn’t last forever. I knew that the hours of crying would some day stop. (It turns out those unstoppable tears return right around 12 years old but more on that later.)

It won’t be this way forever.

Still, nothing seemed sure and everything seemed hard. I felt wobbly on the foundation of self reliance that I had built. I had talked myself into the idea that I could figure it all out on my own and that I was in control. Then, when I was left alone with my new baby…my fussy baby…my never sleeping baby….it all felt out of control. I couldn’t stand that feeling.

Breathe. It won’t be this way forever.

During one of those restless nights, I realized nothing was truly in my control. I looked at my at-last sleeping baby, so small…so beautiful…all mine, and realized that I wasn’t in control and she actually wasn’t mine. She was given to me by God. He knit her together in my womb. He kept her breathing at night in her crib, not me. Right then I gave my worry and fear to Him. I gave my control to Him. He took my worry and fear in that instant. Suddenly my phrase, “It won’t be this way forever”, took on a whole new meaning. She wouldn’t be this small forever. She wouldn’t need me like this forever. I wouldn’t always feel this close to her. I was able to treasure the hard and the beautiful moments of being a mother in a whole new way by standing on the firm foundation that the God of the universe is in control and not me.

It won’t be this way forever.

Time Goes On

That was twelve years ago and now everything is still constantly changing. Nothing stays the same. We added one more child to our family, both my husband’s parents went to be with the Lord, we moved to a new home, and we changed jobs several times. Now, my little girl is becoming a young woman full of hormones. Can you say emotional roller coaster? Hours of tears! Again?!? And I hate to admit it, but she is just like her mom. Ha! We are on another new adventure and I am sure all the books and articles say different things.

Oh Lord, it won’t be this way forever.

Praise God that He has grown me since then! That one night holding my crying newborn, giving Him control has made all the difference. It has taken years….twelve to be exact…but I can see how He has changed me. I am so thankful for it. I have learned how to rely on Him for peace and patience. I am not perfect by any means! Oh man, I still struggle. But, I have faith that God will continue to grow me to be more like Him so I give myself grace. After all, He gives the ultimate grace. So in this next chapter of being a mom, I will try to give God more control because I have learned that I can’t control it all anyways. I will run to Him in prayer when I don’t know what to do. I will thank him for the wonderful young women my daughter is becoming and the many blessings he surrounds me with.

It won’t be this way forever.

The Perfect and the Permanent

I recently read the book “She Reads Truth” by Raechel Myers and Amanda Bible Williams. Bible really is her maiden name! In their book they talk about how God is the “Perfect and the Permanent”. That phrase really stuck with me and I wasn’t sure why until Mollie asked me to write this blog post. I have spent so much time trying to make my life perfect and unchanging. I wanted to be the perfect wife and the perfect mom. I wanted a schedule that was perfect and never needing to change. I wanted every dinner to taste delicious and every weekend to be filled with fun. I was trying to do it all, reading anything I could get my hands on to make it happen. But it is hopeless in our sinful fallen world. Nothing is perfect and nothing is permanent. Except God. We can hold on to him instead of trying to make ourselves perfect and permanent. He already is. Isaiah 40:28 says, “Do you not know? Have you not heard? Yahweh is the everlasting God, the Creator of the whole earth. He never grows faint or weary; there is no limit to His understanding.”

He will be the same forever.

I still struggle with worry and fear. My husband travels for work and when he is out of town I really struggle. Sometimes I lay awake in bed at night and before I know it my mind has taken me to a place where I am a widow living in my car with two kids. But then I remind myself, God is in control so I give all that worry to Him and repeat His word in my head over and over until I fall asleep. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29: 11-13) My life could completely change and tragedy could strike but I will choose to trust that the God of the universe has a better plan than I do.

He will be the same forever.

He is in Control

When I find myself overly focused on the dust on my baseboards I know I am feeling like I need to control things in my life. It’s usually because there is something happening around me or to me that is outside of my control. Right after my mother-in-law passed away I found myself scrubbing the walls. Really? The walls! The truth is I can try to be queen of the dust bunnies under my bed but I won’t get relief until I give it all to the King of the Universe. He is in control.

He will be the same forever.

The Perfect and Permanent God loves you and He wants you to be free from fear and worry too. He wants you to be free from the sins of our world. So, He sent His son to live life here on Earth. He went through the things you do and He dealt with the fallen world just like you. Except He did it all perfectly. Then, He gave His perfect life, willingly, as a sacrifice to pay for your sins so that you can be made new. When you accept the free gift of salvation that Jesus gives, you are changed. He has made you a new creation and will work in your life to make you more like Him…if you let Him. So, let Him. Give all your fears and worries to Him. Lay them down at His feet and allow Him to be in control. Talk to Him about everything, read His word and hear from Him, accept the grace that He has for you when you are trying to be queen of the dust bunnies. Jesus says in John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Remember, you have peace because He is the Perfect and the Permanent and He loves you!

He will be the same forever.

Comfort in Christ

 

Some of my other favorite verses that help me with fear and worry.

Romans 8:38-39
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

1 Peter 5:6-7
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

2 Timothy 1:7
7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

Romans 8:15 (Just read all of Romans 8!)
15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Matthew 6:25-34
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Meet Deborah!

Deb Ireland is a follower of Christ, a wife, and a mother to two beautiful kids. Originally from the Denver area, she moved to Durango to attend college and has stayed in the area ever since. She has taught elementary school for 17 years.

She enjoys traveling the country with her family, laughing with her kids, having movie nights at home, hanging out with her three dogs, reading, and sewing. Deb is an encouragement to those around her with her Christ-like attitude and uplifting thoughtfulness.

Trusting God Through Grief

Trusting God Through Grief

by | May 23, 2022 | Guest, One Blessed Momma

Grief.

If you know it you know it. That tight feeling in your chest, like a hand grabbing your heart and crushing it, or squeezing your lungs so you can’t breathe. Or a very distracting, far away picture that only you are looking at. And you just keep staring. 
There are hundreds of different reasons for grief, and many levels of it. Mine isn’t going to look like anyone else’s, but I’m almost certain everyone’s is forever in a state of flux. It moves and changes every day, just like an ocean. Some days you ride the wave up, others, you come crashing down. It is an ocean that I was remarkably unaware of, until I had my own taste of grief.  

2020 was a crazy year for everyone. The world seemed like it was ending, but not mine, mine was just beginning.

Me and my husband of three years traveled to the southeastern corner of Arizona to spend Thanksgiving with my extended family.

That Thanksgiving morning would be the biggest surprise of my life.

Two lines making a positive test later, my husband and I were deciding what to do and how to handle this exciting news while surrounded by friends and family, we couldn’t imagine not telling them, so we surprised  everyone and they shared in our joy.

Watching my parents’ faces light up when they heard they were grandparents will always be one of my favorite memories, but there was this small voice in the back of my head saying, “you’re not supposed to tell everyone this early, just in case.” But that, “just in case”, seemed very unlikely and far away.

I don’t regret telling everyone then. To this day I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell your loved ones such happy news as soon as you want to. Is it to protect them? Is it because you might burden others with your grief unnecessarily?

All I know is I couldn’t have made it through my grief without all the friends and family who supported me through it

Tragedy

I was almost three months along when the bleeding started. Three months of imagining the future, of loving the child in my womb. It was supposed to last so much longer…

The bleeding came on suddenly and very heavy, but there was no cramping so I was sure it would be fine. It was recommended to me to go to the doctor “just in case.” Unfortunately I was under the opinion that there was something the doctor could do, should anything be wrong.

The night before I went in to be seen the cramping started, and part of me knew. We spent that entire night in prayer, pleading with God for the life of our child.

My doctor’s visit the next day seemed to be going well, I got to see the baby on ultrasound and they said they thought they found a heartbeat, I had a cervix exam that looked good, so I was feeling very optimistic that God had spared this child. It wasn’t until the end of the visit, when they sent a new doctor in that she told me the baby had died three weeks ago. A missed miscarriage she called it.

All alone (thanks to covid), with the second biggest surprise of my life, I sat in shock, wondering how this could be God’s plan for me. I wanted so badly to believe this wasn’t happening, but I knew, it had already happened.

What now?

Going home to tell my husband his baby was dead was surreal and very painful. We cried and praised God, for He is good. We reminisced about the memories and the “what ifs”. We felt grief for the first time that night. And we didn’t know how to move on.

But as anyone with grief will tell you, you just do. Morning eventually comes, the clock still ticks whether you see it or not. It isn’t really a choice, it just happens, but you’re never the same again.

I was scheduled to go back to the hospital to discuss my options, since my body wasn’t getting the memo that this wasn’t a viable pregnancy. We set a date for a D&C that wouldn’t be necessary.

I went home that day with severe cramps, preparing myself for the worst “period pain” ever. I am forever grateful to my midwife, who was the only person who told me what I was about to experience could be like labor. I was not mentally prepared for the pain that was to come.

I had contractions for three days, on the third evening they turned into something akin to “transition” where they come one right after another, stacked, lasting a minute or more with the urge to push.
It was the most painful thing I had ever been through, all without a light at the end of the tunnel. I thank God for my husband who got me through those nights.

Strangely, after all of that, I still didn’t pass anything of significance. It wasn’t until three days later that the blood bath finally started. There was a lot, and I think I’ll always feel some guilt that I wasn’t able to retrieve my baby’s body from the toilet to bury. It was all quite traumatic for a naive girl of 21.

Healing

They say time heals all wounds, I disagree. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, God does, but we need time before we can see Him clearly.

Right before my first experience with grief God was teaching me a lot, mostly about His sovereignty. He was showing Himself to be so much bigger than I’d always imagined. He is an all powerful, all knowing God who doesn’t let anything happen outside of His will. As Psalm 103:19 poetically puts it, “The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all.”

This God is in control of everything that happens, both good, and to us, what might be seemingly bad.
He has a greater plan that might not always align with my own, but that’s where faith in Him, even when I don’t understand, comes in.

Some might think that they wouldn’t want to trust a God that allows evil to happen, but when the other option is trusting a small god who is out of control, my Yahweh God is the one I want to know.
This new belief of mine was to be tested in light of this”bad” that was happening to me. Was this God, who let my baby die, in spite of my prayers and faith in Him, really one to be trusted?

I found that answer to be a resounding, yes! He is so worthy to be trusted. Besides the fact that me not believing God was sovereign didn’t make Him any less so, this truth gave purpose and meaning to all the pain and suffering. There’s no promise that we will ever understand God’s plan either side of heaven, but we can know He has one. And it is good.

Second Chance

Several months after my first child was born we were ready to try again. I’m not sure how much of trying again is still yearning for the child that was lost, but either way, we were ready. It took a little while, but by November we were expecting our second. We were very excited and optimistic, what happened to us the first time was crazy and unexpected, surely it wouldn’t happen again.

Of course our eyes were now opened to this world of grief, but we held onto hope.

Until I was 7 weeks.

This time was different…the smallest light brown/pink color was all it took and I just knew.
We were supposed to go work in the mountains for a week just a few days after the spotting started, but fear of it being as painful as last time made me question if I should go.

In hindsight I’m so glad I did. This time was so much more peaceful. We were in the quiet, beautiful mountains, and I was only spotting lightly the whole week. We were even hopeful it would all be fine, and spent every day in prayer, but God once again, had a different plan. The ride out was no where near as painful as what I’d experienced before, I still had some contractions, but God was so merciful and it was all over by the time the three hour ride down was done.

No doctor visits, no internet to constantly google all the what if’s, no outside opinions. It was just us. And when we got home we buried this baby peacefully.

Blessing Through Pain

I can’t tell you how my heart hurt to watch two babies born little and dead, but my hope in God never wavered. If He promises suffering it can’t be meaningless, and if nothing else it brought me and my husband so much closer to each other and to Him.

I don’t know your suffering or your story, but I do know that God is good and I encourage you to put your hope in Him. Wanting God more than anything, even more than my babies, is what got me through. When you find peace in Him it really does surpass all else. And while my ocean of grief is still moving and changing every day, it is God who is my anchor.

I am so blessed to now be 13 weeks along with our third child. I try to be honest and talk to God about all my fears and dreams, but wanting His will, whatever it is, more than my own is where I yearn to be. It is ok to not be ok sometimes. Go to Him with it all, but don’t treat Him as someone to make your wishes come true, pray as Jesus told the disciples to, “Thy will be done.” We all need more faith, and I hope that if nothing else, my story has inspired you to ask Him to increase your own faith.

Though You slay me, yet I trust in You.
Job 13:15

Meet Amanda!

Amanda is a follower of Christ above all. She is known for her love of dance and horses. She is a dance instructor and also competes in dance herself.

Amanda lives in SW Colorado with her husband, Ruth (beloved border collie), her kitties and 2 horses.